3 Misconceptions About Marriage You Should Reject
By Julie Viera
In August of 2015, I married the love of my life, Julio Viera. We met on move-in day my freshman year at Temple University. I was 18 years old and he was the RA in my dorm blasting Bachata music. Enough said. You’ve probably already noticed that our names are just a letter apart. Cute right?! It felt like a movie.
All cheesy cutesiness aside, we fell in love and got married 6 years later. When we got married I noticed that everyone had something to say about what it means to be ‘a good wife’. Some of the advice was great. Some of the advice turned out to be misconceptions that it’s high time someone addressed.
"When we got married I noticed that everyone had something to say about what it means to be a good wife".
At 26 year old, I will not pretend to know everything there is to know about being a wife. I do know that I share a perspective that challenges many marital misconceptions. Whether you are boo’ed up or not, I think there is definitely something to learn from my journey.
I have battled a condition called cerebral syncope since I was 13 years old. In late 2015, I became increasingly ill. This condition causes me to lose consciousness suddenly and prevents me from performing normal daily activities. Imagine it...I can literally faint at any point in the day. This may sound awful, but when I look back, this condition helped me to learn about my true passion and purpose in life. It sounds cliche, I know. But hear me out.
Misconception # 1: There is a ‘right way’ to do the whole wedding thing
Since my condition progressed so rapidly, I was not able to work and subsequently lost my health insurance. After our 2014 engagement, Julio and I had planned to get married in July of 2016. To remedy the insurance situation, and also due to some other personal battles (no, I was not pregnant), we decided to have an intimate family ceremony in August of 2015. We were not willing to sacrifice our fairytale wedding, so we kept the July wedding date and had the most amazing weddingS (plural) ever!
The point is, do what is right for you and your partner. If you want to have a traditional wedding, do it. If you want two weddings, live the dream!
Misconception #2: Marriage means the end of your independence and ambition
Let’s set the scene by introducing what I think is the single most annoying meme I have ever seen on the internet.
Ok, no offense if you have posted this on your facebook page. Believe me, many people I know have done so, yet I still love them. I think for most people, it’s just not that deep.
For me on the other hand, I like to be intentional about the messages I am putting out into the world, therefore I analyze memes a bit further than the normal consumer (#bloggerprobs).
The internet is full of plenty of misconceptions, so I try not to take it too personally when I see memes juxtaposing relationships with ambition. In my opinion, being either interested or disinterested in a relationship has no correlation with a person’s ability to better themselves in every way. In fact, it was not until after I was married that I launched my blog.
When I first launched my blog, I had no idea that it would turn into a business. What I did believe was that I had the ability to inspire. To take it a step further, I believed it was my purpose and therefore my duty to inspire others. Having been stuck at home recovering, I used the time in hospitals or days I was not able to get out of bed at times to build my business.
Misconception #3: House Wife means No Life
Not being able to work for the entire year of 2016 posed a lot of pressure on my relationship. While Julio would be perfectly content with me being a housewife, we both know that stigma associated with a stay at home wife is so 1950s. Hello, people- we are in 2017!
Julio was clear and perfectly content knowing that I wasn't home in an apron, wearing a skirt, with rollers in my hair, endlessly doing chores, cooking food, and waiting anxiously for him to come. Ok, maybe I was in rollers...but you get the point.
I was recovering, finding myself, and most importantly found passion in blogging. Blogging has become something that I love and have now turned into a business. Many other women have taken this same exact route. The housewife title, I think always meant a lot more than the credit it was given. But now, with media being so accessible we can set the record straight. Wife life is not limited to the home.
I now have my condition a bit more under control and work a 9-5 in politics. My heart and soul nurtures the blogs every free moment I can, and my marriage is nothing short of beautiful. I may not be a housewife, but I think Julio would agree that I am a great wife. And that’s really how it goes.
Hey, Let’s Get Going Family! Thank you for reading! My name is Julie Viera, Founder of the Viera Vida blog and Co-Founder of the Diversity Voiced blog. I am not only a blogger, but a communications specialist, lover of old lady cardigans, inclusivity